Desire discrepancy is one of the most common reasons couples come to certified sex and relationship practitioner Georgia Grace. Solving the issue means challenging false assumptionsGet our weekend culture and lifestyle emailHuman sexuality is often likened to a fingerprint: our desires, fantasies and physical responses are as unique as the ridges on our fingers. In session, when I share this analogy with couples, they are relieved to know it’s actually normal to be different from their partner.While it’s true that no two people are the same, when it comes to “mismatched libido” a predictable scenario will usually play out. In my first session with a couple, they will sit on opposite sides of the couch and say they haven’t had sex in months, or years. They are lost and desperate. One of them will share that they feel unwanted, and the other will admit that they want to want it, they just don’t. Because of this, they feel broken. They both agree sex is important for their relationship...
Desire discrepancy is a common relationship issue, often leading couples to seek professional help. Human sexuality and desire are unique to each individual. There's no "right" amount of sex, and differing desires don't automatically indicate a "mismatched" relationship. The person with lower desire shouldn't be blamed, as desire discrepancy is a relational issue requiring both partners to participate in finding solutions.
